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Perfecting Your Marriage

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5 months ago

99 percent of persons that stumble on this article will sure say “it is impossible to have a perfect marriage”.

I have had the opportunity of discussing this topic several times. And the truth is: it has sparked a surprising huge number of mixed reactions.

Marriage is an institution that has different meaning in different parts of the world. While divorce seems normal in some places; it is considered culturally absurd in some other places. The essence of this article is to create sanity in the institution called marriage.

FINANCIAL MANAGEMENT
Not long ago on one of the social networks, I came across a story that got me smiling. Why was I captivated? The story was a testimony of the financial model for a perfect marriage that I have always advocated.

The story in brief: A lady- banker fell in love with a gentleman who was jobless. They got married despite all the pressure mounted on her by her friends and relatives. Year in year out, she continued to remain the bread winner of the family; she remained submissive and never personalised her income. At the end of each month, she handed her salary to her husband. She never saw her income as her money; rather, she saw it as the family’s.
After about 3 years, the husband secured a very high paying job. A job that was paying more than 4 times the wife’s salary. Guess what? The man did everything to make the wife happy… He never took a financial decision unilaterally… They made all money decisions together and they continued to live happily together… Wow! Quite interesting, especially “the happy ending”.

Now, I put it to you: if you were the husband, would you all of a sudden change the financial management model because you have become the major income earner? I bet: your answer is NO.

The application of this model is not limited to any sex. Whether you are the husband or the wife, openness remains one of the keys to having a perfect marriage. Remember that what you give is what you get. So, as a man, if you want your wife to be open to you, you need to be open to her from the beginning (not until you lose your job or income stream)! If you wait until you lose your income stream before you start opening up to your spouse, you sure will never get the kind of openness expected in a marriage.

What is so special about this “Collective Decision Making” financial management model? What makes it unequalled?

Firstly, it improves the bond in a marriage; the partners tend to talk more to reach decisions. Hence, they get to understand each other better…

Secondly, an unimaginable level of synergy is usually attained. With this model, efforts will never be duplicated… Energies will be channelled towards the same direction. Why should a husband be building his house and the wife building her own house? Do they want to be living separately? An important point to note is: if it takes a husband and his wife 10 years each to build a house or complete the payment of a mortgage, it will take both of them together 3 years or less, and not 5 years to build a house or complete the payment of a mortgage.

I know this is a difficult one… But, the truth said: if you are committed to the success of your marriage, there are so many other things (other than adopting the foregoing financial model) you still have to do. These points will be discussed subsequently; they include:
-Relationship Management
-Communication Management
-Conflict Management
-Temptation Management

This has worked for so many people; I do not see why it cannot work for you. For every level of success, there is a commensurate amount of sacrifice to be made. ALWAYS KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE.

RELATIONSHIP MANAGEMENT
There is this popular saying: “show me your friends and I can tell who you are”. This is a universal philosophy… People, whether young or old, are easily influenced by the friends they keep. Now, how does this impart the marriage? There is a direct relationship between the attitude of a peer group and the attitude of the individuals within the group. This could be positive or negative…
I need not ask because I already know the answer; but, for formality, let me ask. If your spouse keeps good friends that will impart your marriage positively, will you be in support? My answer is YES; I can bet that every sane person will have the same answer. If your spouse keeps terrible friends, you sure will want your spouse out as soon as possible.

A step to having a successful marriage despite the possible odds is to ensure that you know and relate with all your spouse’s friends (good or bad). It helps your marriage to get immunity against possible risks that may arise from negative peer influence. This fosters a sense of harmony.

COMMUNICATION MANAGEMENT
Barbarians they say, talk in thousands… Couples should understand their spouses and learn how to best pass information to their spouses. As much as possible couples should never keep their spouses in the dark on any issue. There is nothing as disappointing as getting to hear an information about your spouse from a third party.

CONFLICT MANAGEMENT
As close as the teeth is to the tongue, they still fight. Nevertheless, conflicts should be resolved as swiftly as possible without ANY THIRD PARTY INTERFERENCE. Couples should always find a common ground in every situation to ensure that conflicts are reduced to the barest minimum.

TEMPTATION MANAGEMENT
There is need for you to always discuss your spouse’s desires at all times. There is need for your partner to know what turns you on and what turns you off.

In line with that do everything to please your spouse. Always flirt with him/her so he/she will desire no one but you.

So many people after their marriages still keep contact details of their former lovers on their telephones. No, those details should be deleted… You need to burn the bridges totally. Oh! Social networks now make it difficult for those bridges to be completely burnt. Not to worry, this can be managed effectively by ensuring your spouse have access to your email password as well as your password to your social network accounts. Even have your email account set up on his/her electronic gadgets. You need to be genuinely open.

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